The journey to Bergen

We had an early start after a night on a hard bed - the alarm woke us at 6am. It was a good room though, in the Holiday Inn, facing right out onto the main runway where planes landed every couple of minutes all the way up to midnight and started again at 5am. Not that we heard a sound because the double glazed windows were then double glazed again. We drifted down to breakfast - we had plenty of time - and had a leisurely meal, stoking up because we had no meals ordered on the plane. Then back up to the room to finalise packing.

“I don’t know why I brought night cream,” said Gabs. “I mean, we’re off to the land of the Midnight Sun.” Cue rolling around with laughter.

We’d booked a taxi because the thought of lugging our bags on and off Hoppa buses on our way to Terminal 2 was just too much. The guy arrived before 8am and escorted us to his luxury Merc, put on gloves and then loaded our cases with ease and ushered us into the quiet of his leather lined limo. How ever much will this cost for the mile or so to the terminal? We were estimating anything between 20 and 50 pounds but in the event it was £25 and, y’know, it was worth every last penny. No fuss. No stress. Bags out on the forecourt and we wandered into Departures.

Nerves. We’re not used to this. You know those old people who don’t know what they’re doing around technology? Well, when confronted by the automated check in and baggage drop, all semblance of technical competence disappeared. A “nice young man” helped us master the machine and then a slightly older man took pity on us and gave us a “real” boarding pass. Humiliation complete! However, our luggage was checked all the way through to Bergen so, here’s hoping it keeps up with us.

Security. It was all AI controlled - machines are so much faster than humans. All was calm and quiet and gone were the lengthy, frustrating queues. It’s all so different from the last time we were in Heathrow. Even the shops have a quiet air of robotic competence as you scan your purchases, wave your phone at the scanner and walk out without speaking to a soul. Is it better? Is it socially sterile? You know, I love it. I’m just left alone to look after myself and, when I can’t work it out, there’s a confident “young person” there who will calmly and patiently sort things out. All this for someone who’s been Technical Director for their jointly owned company and a Head of Marketing for one of the biggest tech companies in the world!

And so onto the plane - an A320 - where our seats were waiting. No issues. No problems. Can this last? Well, probably not as we were informed that we were to be delayed by about 30 minutes as the skies were busy. Takeoff though was fuss free and rapid and we were soon sailing through the clouds up to the blue of the sky above.

Now, Harahorn Norwegian Small Batch Gin is 46% and that with ice and tonic is a real blast. What a good discovery! Gabrielle sipped delicately on a Cava and the delight was complete. At 11am.

In the end, we were around 5 minutes late and headed to Delta 2 and Alpha 6 for the gate for our Oslo to Bergen flight. After security and slightly less hi tech scanners we set off in search of our gate. On the way though it was important to find a) a loo and b) something quick to eat. We headed to passport control and queued (thanks Brexit voters) at the “Other passports” gate along with all the other people from third countries. Then on towards our gate through the Transfers channel. We were met with an automatic gate where you needed to show your ticket and then, get this, identify your piece of luggage! There it was on the screen, photographed in its Sunday best and looking quite the thing. More tech, huh?

Arriving at our gate we saw they were boarding but we still had had nothing to eat. There, a few metres away, was Jamie’s and they had delicious hot pizza. Two portions of funghi later we headed to the gate, licking our fingers. Sanitiser and then the obligatory scan and we were on board.

Although the doors were shut, not all the bags had yet been loaded so we had to wait a while.

Then the delightful moment when our bags appeared and travelled up the conveyor. Ok. We can go now. But no, still more bags in a never ending stream. How much more can this little E190 take?

Once in the air the flight to Bergen was a little bit lumpy to begin with. Once we were above the cloud base thought it levelled out and we headed, reasonably calmly, west towards the coast and our hotel and, ultimately, our cruise ship.

When we arrived at Bergen, we then had to discover the Flybussen which was lurking at stop A5 outside arrivals, but, problem, we didn’t know where we were going because the paperwork told us two different hotels, with the same name: The Clarion Bergen and The Clarion Bergen Admiral. Which was ours? We had no idea, so basically guessed and … got it right! After the bus we had to walk and drag our cases to the hotel which was, frankly, less than impressive. Don’t they know who we are?

And then a very tall Scandi sort of blond bloke checked us in and we headed up to our room which, surprisingly, was a suite. So all good there. Lovely view out of the window if you’ll excuse the raindrops.

Out for dinner because we were starving and had had only the bit of pizza and we had no idea what the time was as our phones had not caught up yet. Was it 5pm, 6pm, maybe even 7pm. However the delightful restaurant called Basar beckoned us in and we had luscious food and delicious wine and, well, the rest is history.

Tomorrow we have to be up at 8am because Hurtigruten, the bastards, want us to check in with them at 8:30am at the hotel and then pick us up at 11:15am. There! We had planned a late get up and breakfast and they spoiled it. Still, Gabrielle will tell you how it all pans out.